Feeling Overwhelmed or Shut Down? Understanding Your Window of Tolerance
- Justine
- Aug 12
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 22
Do you ever feel like you’re living at one of two extremes? Either you’re on high alert—anxious, irritable, and overwhelmed by racing thoughts—or you’re completely shut down, feeling numb, foggy, and disconnected from everything around you. If so, you’re not alone. This experience can be understood through a powerful concept in therapy known as the Window of Tolerance.
What is the Window of Tolerance?
Imagine your nervous system has an optimal zone of functioning. Inside this zone, you can handle the natural ups and downs of life. You can think clearly, feel your emotions without being consumed by them, and remain connected to yourself and others. This calm, flexible, and engaged state is your Window of Tolerance.
When we are pushed outside this window by stress or a trigger, our bodies go into survival mode.
Hyper-arousal (Fight or Flight): When you’re pushed above your window, you might feel anxious, angry, panicky, or out of control. Your system is flooded with too much energy.
Hypo-arousal (Freeze or Shutdown): When you’re pushed below your window, you might feel empty, numb, disconnected, or exhausted. Your system has shut down to conserve energy.
For many people, especially those who have experienced trauma or chronic stress, this window can become very narrow. It means even small, everyday stressors can be enough to push you into a state of either overwhelm or shutdown, making daily life feel like a constant battle.
Does Feeling Overwhelmed Keep Our Window Narrow?
Past experiences, particularly unresolved trauma, are the primary reason a person’s Window of Tolerance might shrink. When your brain has "stuck" memories that are still emotionally charged, your nervous system stays on high alert, constantly scanning for danger. It learns that it needs to react instantly to survive, leaving very little room for the calm, regulated state inside the window.
You might find yourself bouncing between the two extremes—reacting with intense anxiety to a trigger, and then crashing into a state of exhaustion and numbness afterwards.
The Goal Isn't to Avoid Stress—It's to Widen Your Window
A common misconception is that the goal of therapy is to eliminate all of life's stressors. That’s impossible. The true goal is to widen your Window of Tolerance.
When your window is wider, you can handle more stress without becoming dysregulated. You have more capacity to stay present and calm when challenges arise. You can experience difficult emotions without them hijacking your entire system. This is the foundation of true resilience.
This is where therapy, and particularly EMDR, can be transformative.
EMDR therapy works directly with the "stuck" memories that keep your nervous system on high alert. By helping your brain properly process these old experiences, it signals to your body that the danger is over. This allows your nervous system to relax, and your Window of Tolerance naturally begins to widen. Alongside this, therapy helps you develop practical grounding skills to help you stay within your window during stressful moments.
Find Your Way Back to Calm
Living with a narrow Window of Tolerance is exhausting. But you don’t have to live on high alert or in a state of shutdown forever. Healing is possible. By working to understand and widen your window, you can find your way back to a place of balance, connection, and calm.
If you are ready to start this journey, Justine is here to provide the expert, compassionate support you need.
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